Sidney Sherman's Marshmallow Heart by Wallace Esme

Author:Wallace, Esme [Wallace, Esme]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: Adult
ISBN: 1957397012
Goodreads: 60745716
Publisher: Oblectation, Inc
Published: 2022-06-22T00:00:00+00:00

Feb 24: A Ghost Returns

It took about 24 hours to get past any lingering guilt I had over being a complete bitch to The New Yorker. I have never been one to stand up for myself, as I tend to allow people to wipe their muddy feet all over me like a doormat.

I feel good about defending my boundaries and cutting that bullfrog of a man off. I won’t allow him to treat me like that any further. I know that 5 years ago, I would have continued to chase him like a sad puppy who is wildly desperate for affection.

But now? No thanks. I’d rather be alone than with a man who doesn’t respect my time or who thinks the sort of behavior the New Yorker displayed last night is appropriate for people over 40. Or anybody at all, really.

Boom. Growth.

Speaking of men who don’t respect my time, it’s been 10 days since The Canuck has said anything. This morning my phone dinged with a text while I was lying diagonally across my bed in the sun, drinking coffee.

Canuck: Sorry I flaked out, had to travel to Toronto for work.

Me: Nice to hear from you - glad you are ok.

Canuck: Had some wild stuff happening at home too. How are you?

Me: I figured you would give you space, it felt like you needed some. I am doing rather well, considering. So much has happened lately, I don’t even know where to start.

Canuck: I’m available late tonight, but I’m way behind on work. Thanks for the space, it’s appreciated.

Me [BECAUSE I AM STUPID, SOMEONE PLEASE TAKE MY PHONE]: You don’t owe me your time. I enjoy talking to you, but don’t ever feel obligated to talk to me.

Canuck: Looking forward to seeing some shots from your photo shoot - you’ve definitely crossed my mind these past few days.

Then we video chatted that afternoon for a half hour, talked about books and surfing, our respective kids and a possible visit from him in a few weeks. He was sweet and attentive and I attempted to be less guarded and bitchy about him totally disappearing for 10 days. I did mention that internet friends can be so temporary and fleeting and that I was glad he wasn’t totally gone … and he said nothing in return.

I am cautious. My battered little black heart is hopeful that he gets his shit together, because he seems like a good one. But I have to remind myself that this is supposed to be simple. That may mean we never see each other in person.

Me: Fuck. I think I am setting myself up for another speedy heartbreak, this time with The Canuck.

Colette: What makes you say that?

Me: He disappeared for ten days and I welcomed him back like no problem. If I keep letting men walk all over me, what does that do to my ego?

Colette: Can you tell me why you think you let men walk all over you?

Me: It’s like this: in the past when a man shows me even a crumb of attention, I have fallen all over myself to keep them around.

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